


I Get Filthy When That Liquor Get Into Me

by schittposting



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Drunk David Rose, Drunk Patrick Brewer, Drunk Sex, M/M, Mutual Thirsting, Patrick Brewer is a Cockslut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Canon, Public Hand Jobs, Sexual Fantasy, Tattoos, Thirsty Bottom Patrick Brewer, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29047674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schittposting/pseuds/schittposting
Summary: A sexy stranger in a bar sparks some drunk horniness for David and Patrick.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 12
Kudos: 121





	I Get Filthy When That Liquor Get Into Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [schittyfic (sixtysevenlmpala)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixtysevenlmpala/gifts).



> This started as a mini prompt fill for schittyfic's prompt "David and Patrick are on holiday and Patrick gets a drunken tattoo" (for which I only actually wrote them _talking_ about Patrick getting the tattoo). Then I found out today was schittyfic's birthday so I expanded the prompt fill in a very smutty direction. Happy birthday, schittyfic!

“Oh my god, do you see that guy at the bar?”

“The one with all the muscles and the tattoos?”

“Yes, oh my god, he’s so hot.”

“You’re so hot, David.”

“You’re so hot too. You’d be hot with tattoos.”

“You would be so hot with a tattoo, like, right here.”

“Yeah, would that be sexy?”

“ _So_ sexy.”

“Okay, well if you get to pick where I get a tattoo, then I get to pick where you get a tattoo.”

“Okay, but just as long as it would be under my clothes, okay David?”

“But you’d be so hot with a tattoo right here though, coming out of your sleeve when they’re all rolled up like you wear them, that would be sooo hot, Patrick.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhm. But if you want one under your clothes you know what else would be hot is on your butt.”

“You love my butt.”

“I do love your butt, get your butt over here on my lap.”

“Okay, David, what tattoo should I get on my butt? Your name?”

“Ew, no.”

“Then what? A butterfly? Haha, _butt_ -erfly.”

“I love that album. Do they do karaoke here?”

“What if I got a rose tattoo?”

“Like our logo?”

“Like David _Rose_. Because I love you so much, David.”

“You get so sappy when you’re drunk.”

“You love it.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Should we get more drinks?”

“Oh my god, Patrick, Patrick look. Tattoo guy is stretching and there’s one on his lower stomach.”

“Oh, fff—he’s really hot, David. He’s got those muscles, the V ones. They’re like an arrow pointing to his dick.”

“Yes, ugh, those are so hot.”

“I wonder if he has any more tattoos hidden under his clothes.”

“Probably. If there’s that many visible, imagine how many aren’t.”

“I am imagining it.”

“Patrick, are you getting hard?”

“Stop it, David, we’re in public! And you’re hard too, I can feel your dick—oh, especially when you do _that_.”

“Well, can you blame me? I’ve got my hot husband sitting on my lap.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure it has _nothing_ to do with ogling other hot guys with your hot husband.”

“Okay, maybe that’s part of it too.”

“David, you really need to stop touching me like that or I’m not gonna be able to walk out of here.”

“I’ll stop touching you when you stop grinding on my dick.”

“It’s hard not to when you’re groping me!”

“I have an idea.”

“I’m listening.”

“Here, get off my lap—stop pouting, you’re gonna like this.”

“Okay—oh my god, David, what are you doing?”

“You said you weren’t gonna be able to walk out of here. You will if I get you off first.”

“We’re gonna be arrested for public indecency!”

“Nobody’s gonna see us back here. We’re all the way in the corner, the booth is good cover, and your dick is under the table. I’ve had sex in _much_ riskier places, we’ll be fine.”

“... Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Oh, god. Yeah, okay.”

“This is pretty hot, huh? Getting off in public?”

“Uh huh. Mmph, yes.”

“Have you ever done anything like this before?”

“Not unless you count what we’ve done in the back of the store.”

“That doesn’t count, it’s _our_ store.”

“Then no. This is—mmph—this is new.”

“That’s hot. You were so desperate for it you couldn’t wait til we got home, could you? I just had to take care of you right here in the bar, where anyone could catch us.”

“Ohhh, David. Fuck.”

“You like that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, it’s—it’s pretty hot.”

“So you get off on the danger, huh? I bet you’d get off on getting caught, too, wouldn’t you? What if tattoo guy came back to our booth and saw us doing this?”

“Unfff.”

“Maybe he saw us staring and wants to find out why. He’d know as soon as he saw me jacking you off, wouldn’t he? He’d know you’d been thirsting over him so much I had to get you off right here.”

“You were thirsting over him too!”

“Hmm, yes, and you’d tell him so, wouldn’t you? Maybe invite him to join us?”

“Oh, god.”

“That sounds like a yes. What would we do with him? Would you jack him off under the table like this, while I watched? Or maybe we could both get under the table and give him a blow job together, would you like that?”

“Yeah, David. Fuck yes. I wanna make out with you around his dick.”

“Ooh, I like that idea. Get his dick all wet and sloppy with both of our tongues. And then you can jack me off while you swallow his cock. Would you like that? Taking care of both of us at once?”

“Yes. David. Yes, I’d like that.”

“I knew you would, you little cockslut. You want as much cock as you can get, don’t you?”

“Fuck, yes.”

“Maybe we should take tattoo guy into the bathroom, then. There’s a lot more we could do with him in there.”

“Mmph. What do you want to do with him?”

“What do _you_ want to do with him?”

“Wanna… wanna have him fuck me, David.”

“And where am I in this scenario? Just watching? I could get behind that, but I think I’d prefer a slightly more active role.”

“I could—I could suck your cock while he fucks me.”

“Mmhm, I like that better. You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Getting it from both ends in a dirty dive bar bathroom? What a thirsty slut you are.”

“Oh god, David, David, fuck—”

“That was so hot. Can you hand me those napkins?”

“Here. Oh god, I’ve made a mess under the table, huh? I feel bad for whoever cleans under here.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, nobody has ever cleaned under these tables.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](https://schittposting.tumblr.com)!


End file.
